Artificial intelligence has seeped its way into our lives. Growing up and watching science fiction movies, I never thought I would see the day AI and bots would become a reality.
I had thought to let AI write a short message concerning my current thoughts but changed my mind. I wanted to formulate a paragraph based on my current thoughts and feelings but realized I was afraid to share my truest desires. While driving to class, or maybe I was driving from class, I was listening to a YouTube video that discussed how many of us are not living our truest selves or lives because we are afraid of the shame being us might cause. As I typed into the AI app I realized no AI could write a paragraph encompassing my current thoughts.
Right now, I despise life so much! I have tried to move forward after the death of someone that I loved but it seems hopeless and pointless. I wake up every day in a state of panic because she is gone, but I am still here to deal with the pain. I have tried to move on but I am stuck and as I deal with other life issues, it just compounds things.
Right now, I despise people! So many of them are selfish and desire your presence to comfort them. Promises are made to be there for you but they all fail. I do not request much from people I do not request anything. I ask you to be present when I need you, but most turn away. They text when they need your comforting voice or just you responding to their text so they have a connection with someone. I know because I do the same. I am people.
I wish I could turn off the world momentarily to get my thoughts together but the show must go on. I must perform my duties at work. My life has been me just fending for my emotional and mental well-being as I was left to answer questions of abandonment. People do not realize the trauma of being alone in this world in their youth. I spent most of my days looking out, trying to understand my position in life. No skills or drills were taught to me, so I sat on the bench for most of it.
My nights now are spent wondering if today was my last day. Will I see my family after closing my eyes? Each day brings me closer to quitting everything. No, not life, just leaving school and work and working a simple job living a simpler life. Aspirations usually end up putting you in stressful situations. Even as I type this, my heart is tightening.
I need to hibernate.